Tonight, just before I left work for home, some person drove up behind my truck, jumped out, and stole an item from the back of my truck. Then they drove away before they could be properly identified. It was an item that can be replaced, but it was still...
Well, in medical terms, this is what you call a stress event. A stressor. A bit of annoying little bit of phlegm on an other wise clear day.
It annoyed me. A lot.
I called a family member, who listened to my emotionally laden report. I really just called them to tell them I want to have better lights installed on the building to discourage such thieves and hoodlums from revisiting this "Stress Event" on anyone else. I was angry and thus not entirely rational... I just wanted to vent...
Instead, I got reasoned and rationed and suggested... The well-intentioned advice was good advice, and I was responding to that just fine. It was even helpful really...
Then, the tide turned and I got to listen further as I was told how I should keep my stress away from my daughter. I was befuddled and asked why, to which I was told, because, *DUH implied*, she has vasculitis, and therefore has enough stress to deal with.
That was worse than the burglary. I was also then reminded about one or two of my own recent failings, because I do not have a perfect temper. I am her father and she is a sixteen year old girl... so sometimes I get upset with my daughter when she does annoying things. Just as I annoy her sometimes. I suppose I should be shot, or something, but instead we just deal with it.
In response, I got the impression I was expected to accept this little drubbing and say something humble like, "You are right, I am a jerk, I will endeavor to be more perfect from now on, and try to put things in perspective... " Which of course was not said, but that is how I felt. The trick is, that perspective is exactly why that advice was inappropriate. Not that my family member could know that, but still..
Instead of blithely confessing my sins, I tried to explain perspective... I try to suggest that coping with vasculitis and the stressful event of having something stolen from my truck are not remotely related... but in response I was treated to an even more patronizing accusation of denial, then some kindly insistence that they are of course related. Apparently all stress is related... who knew? [Sarcasm intentional.]
It would seem that to some people, there is this concept of "Ye Old Bucket O' Stress," which apparently has a finite capacity. Once filled, the bucket can hold no more and then terrible things must surely happen.
This family member has dealt with lots of stress indirectly and directly, and has always been there for just about everyone in my family. I aspire to be as useful myself. So, there is no fault here, but the approach we take is completely different.
Instead of holding onto the stress, and counting it, and taking it out every night and counting it again... instead I choose to count blessings. I figure out what is possible to control, and I take control of that thing. The things I cannot control, I let go. I just do not think about them more than is absolutely necessary.
It is precisely this attitude, which explains why when my daughter was diagnosed, I was calm, and replied to the doctor, "So, then what can we do?" Then we proceeded to do those things. My daughter is a product of my teachings, and her attitude has always been to overcome all challenges. Treating vasculitis is a long hard road, and fraught with pitfalls, but we persevere with hope and courage. We do not dwell on thoughts of weakness.
When my truck gets burgled, I have no such calm. To me, the rest has become normal, and this burglary is the notable stressful event.
Everything else in my life, and most notably vasculitis, has given my daughter and I a new baseline. A baseline that most people cannot comprehend who do not have a rare incurable illness in the immediate household.
Most people have no idea what they can handle until they are tested. And when you have a rare incurable condition, as my daughter has, and which I also feel like I have... then it becomes necessary to live life by a different set of rules.
No counting stress. That is one of the new rules.
Putting stress at the forefront of our mind, would be dwelling on the negative. It would be self-defeating. Instead of saying, "Poor her, she has vasculitis, let us insulate her and protect her and keep all possible harm from her," I say let me arm her to the teeth with coping skills so she can take on all challenges. She does not need to be made weaker, she needs to be made stronger. When the going gets tough... as the saying goes.
It is not a big deal to let emotions fly when someone steals a replaceable item from your truck, but you have to accept the big stuff; you have to accept all the horrible side effects of Prednisone and how they screw with your entire life, and the every day alertness for any sign of a flare. Since vasculitis is systemic, it can happen anywhere, anytime, with little or no warning... so that is very stressful. But is it not a stress event.
Some days are better or worse than others, the in the big picture, dealing with vasculitis is normal to us now. If there is a "Ye Old Bucket O' Stress" then we must have traded it in for the bottomless Bag of Holding version, because dealing with medications, doctors appointments, fatigue, and side effects has become the normal way of being for her, and indirectly, for me also. And yet, I still get provoked by the ordinary things. It is a matter of perspective.
So, there is no rule that says when you have so much else to deal with that you must then take everything else in stride. In my opinion, the "Ye Old Bucket O' Stress" concept must come from the TwilightZone, because both stress and the ability to cope are expandable without limit.
Human beings are capable of adjusting to just about anything, and those who have not walked a mile... just have no clue.
Following my signature is a little article about stress. One of many such that we have read and absorbed this year, because coping with stress is important, it is just not something you need rubbed in your face. So this will be a brief reminder to others out there there that no matter how bad it gets, you can always do something about it.
: Joseph Carpenter
Albuquerque, NM
CSS Parent, Daughter DX March '08 - Celebrating seven months without vasculitis symptoms!
Central NM Chapter - Vasculitis Foundation - http://www.nmvasculitis.org
InteliHealth:
"Coping With Stress
Stress is a part of life. From being stuck in traffic to falling behind on paying bills, too much stress can wreak havoc on our bodies. If you have a chronic illness, even small tasks, such as making dinner or picking up the children from school, can become overwhelming. Research on how stress causes medical illness is still in its early phases. We do know though that stress can cause physical symptoms, and may increase the rate of progression of a disease. Here are some ways to reduce your stress.
Adjust your attitude. According to researchers, you can better cope with stress by focusing on three ideas: challenge, control and commitment.
- Try to interpret stressful situations as challenges, not as threats.
- Determine what you can control; sometimes the only thing you will be able to control in a stressful situation is the way you respond, but that’s a start.
- Make a commitment to be good to yourself by eating healthfully, thinking positively and maintaining relationships with people you care about.
Learn to problem solve. The key, say experts, is to think through difficult situations systematically.
- Break problems into smaller pieces to make them less overwhelming
- Focus on problems that really need your attention and leave the rest
- Know your limits
- Learn to be flexible
- Be realistic about your choices
Communicate. Keeping your troubles inside only adds to stress. Find someone safe to talk to about your worries; it will reduce stress and help you deal with practical problems. If you have a chronic medical condition, participate in a support group.
Exercise. Regular exercise reduces stress. It helps protect the cardiovascular and immune systems from the consequences of stressful events. Whether it’s swimming, walking or another form of exercise, find time to do the activity on a regular basis.
Take control of your diet and your sleep. It’s hard to do, but if you eat a well-balanced, nutritious diet and get a good night’s sleep, you’ll have more energy to cope with stress. And if you’re tired and cranky, you’ll be more susceptible to stress-related ailments.
Do something for others. Volunteering for a worthy cause can be a great experience. It also can help you forget about your own problems and increase your self-esteem."
http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/8271/21849/244360.html?d=dmtContent
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